Now that's the way

[Drac]

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, ?I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.?

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

We can't stand the sight of each other any longer? the father says.
?We're sick of each other and I'm sick of talking about this, so
you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.?


Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. ?Like
hell they're getting divorced!? she shouts, ?I'll take care of this!?

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father ?You are
NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there.
I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow.
Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?? and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.
Scored! They're coming for Christmas ?

And they're paying their own way.'

[DaveRuhlig]

A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.

After hearing about this extravagant gift, a friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty four-wheel-drive vehicles."

"She did," he replied. "But where was I going to find a fake Jeep?"

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Santa Stats

There are currently 78 people named S. Claus
living in the U.S. -- and one Kriss Kringle.
(You gotta wonder about that one kid's parents)

December is the most popular month for nose jobs.

Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby
for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons.

Number of reindeer required to pull a 333,333-ton s
sleigh: 214,206 -- plus Rudolph.

Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour.
With real beard: $20.

To deliver his gifts in one night, Santa would have to
make 822.6 visits per second, sleighing at 3,000 times
the speed of sound.

At that speed, Santa and his reindeer would burst into flame
instantaneously.

[iheartweapons68]

Ha ha thanks for sharing those.